God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
