I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.