toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum