I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.