dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
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My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV