My underwear smells like fireworks.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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