If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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