I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
