Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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