I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
