I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
