My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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