I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you would pick up someone in the library
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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