i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
