Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
