And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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