He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
