honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
