She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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