I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize