i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
