I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize