I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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