I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
