Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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