Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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