If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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