Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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