i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Even my vagina gasped.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
