dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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