I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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