if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
