I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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