This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
