shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
