Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
