I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize