i will never coherently bang her
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
