lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
