the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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