Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
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My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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