come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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