So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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