you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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