I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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