He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
