well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
