he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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