He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
