We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
