So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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