so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
