ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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