Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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