Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
