69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
