"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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