If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
