He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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